I feel again like the dog stuck on the trafic island, in the middle of rush hour. Elements of the world flash by, confusing and terrible in power, ready to hit me at any moment should I unknowingly wander into their path.

So, I was not approved for EI. The insurance against lack of work will not cover me, because I have not had enough work. Think about that one.

So, I went to the welfare office, but I pretty much broke down with anxiety and tears and couldn't finish filling out the forms. I took the forms with me, but I feel critically depressed when I think about being on welfare, I think I would rather go back to Rupert than be on welfare. I just could not handle it.

I brought back all the cans and bottles that have been stored in the van since august, with intent to get enough money to buy the haggis and neeps for robbie burns day. I got 23 dollars, which is more than enough (haggis is typically 15-18 dollars). Then I came to another dissapointment, that no store in all of terrace apparently has haggis this year. I dont know what im going to do.

I still want to have some robbie burns celebration, but neeps is not enough.

I feel so much depression and rage. I just don't know what to do.